Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
