He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
