so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
