In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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