Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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