i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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