Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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