i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
