So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
