just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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