then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
