He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
