If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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