youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
