Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
