do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
