eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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