cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
