The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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