so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
