I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
