you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was CRYING into my vagina
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need moral support for this bender
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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