Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
