are you still at the devil's house?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
