I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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