I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
