ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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