We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
