well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
