that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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