It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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