So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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