Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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