If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
