it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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