first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
