So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
