tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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