my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
