If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
