She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
