Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
