I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
