Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
