oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
