Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
