My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she pinky promised me she was 18
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
