If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
