we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
