I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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