I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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