JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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