oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
