Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
